I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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