He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
