I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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