All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
