I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
