i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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