i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
