I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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