I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
