last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
