I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had sex on a roof
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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