I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
