I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
