Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
