i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
