he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
