I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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