Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
