oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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