Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
