he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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