last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
