my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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