I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
