Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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