I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
