You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
