brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
