would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
