So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
