did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
