Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
