I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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