i don't like sucking hair
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
