theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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