i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
