i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
