can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
