Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
