i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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