Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had sex on a roof
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need water and some morals
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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