Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
