Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
