I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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