I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
