I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
