Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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