I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
