Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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