could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
