Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
