The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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