somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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