Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
