Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
