He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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