is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
