Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
